Tag Archives: #New_Age

The last day of my life came ‘like a thief in the night’!

Posted on by
1

NOTE: This was previously posted as one of my first blogs. Originally written 22 years ago as ‘More Than A Dream’, it’s now republished with slight changes for elaborating upon my life as a committed non-Christian in my journey Into freedom.

Two decades of in-depth occult study and self-development turned my attitude toward Christianity into one of disdain, as told here. By the 1980’s I’d become intellectually and spiritually very arrogant, even contemptuous of church, clergy and believers. They were all so behind the times – even archaic! I thought their preaching could not compare with the more profound philosophy found within New Age movements.

A door is opened!

Sometime in July/August 1989, a young man named Peter knocked at the front door with an invitation to hear the world-renowned evangelist Billy Graham at Earls Court in London. We could be taken in a coach trip from outside our house west of Reading. How much? Nada, entirely free!

Naturally, I rejected the offer outright but my almost-teenage son piped up he’d like to go because a classmate had told him about it. So I said I’d take him.

As can be gathered from the story of my journey thus far into spiritual captivity, personal experiences had made me extremely wary of churchgoers. Never did I suspect my own well-being hung on that moment.

Can you imagine my bewilderment, therefore, upon sitting ‘up in the gods’ at Earls Court and finding myself agreeing with what Billy Graham said as he spoke from the rostrum?  I was flummoxed! Utterly bewildered! Who’s thinking that? Can that be me? Never!… Really?

Afterwards, as a follow-up, those who’d been on the trip were invited to an informal meeting at a local ‘free’ church. The leader explained that similar chats could be held   at our own homes, should we so wish. I agreed to be on-hand for my son, but I was NOT personally interested. A youth worker, Peter, was assigned to help him but, in practice, he ended up discussing the material with me.

The evening of Wednesday 13th September 1989, is Peter’s third visit to our house to discuss Billy Graham’s follow-up material entitled Life. I have not yet divulged my firmly held and entrenched opinions, but this time he goes too far!

What went wrong?

This session is entitled, ‘Yoga, Eastern Religions and The Occult’ – all of which I’d been involved in since before Peter had been born!

Peter shows a diagram of two cliff-like objects facing one another. One represents heaven and the other, earth, with a large deep gap separating them from one another. Over this Peter then places an overlay depicting a large plus sign over the gap. The ends of the horizontal arms touch each object, thereby bridging heaven and earth. He explains that the cross of Christ is the bridge between both realms.

He then says the only way to God is through Jesus Christ. This statement implies my ideas are incorrect. Without giving the game away I gently question him on this. But he insists not many paths lead to the same, supreme God – there’s only one way to one almighty God and it’s through his Son Jesus Christ.

What’s to be done with a young man half my age who unwittingly points out the error of my ways?

I’m thinking, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. How can he, who’s not done anything I know far more about…just how can he tell me it’s wrong?  He’s wasting my time!” Peter’s ideas are not only mistaken but also intolerant. Before the end of the evening I’ve had enough!

So I bring our discussion to an early close, politely bid him farewell and excuse myself from any future meeting. Peter is most gracious about it – as ever, he smiles politely and goes on his way.

Little did I know that I may not make it through the night!    

That night’s second visitor was far more challenging – this time it is life or death!

In a most unusual dream that night I go back in time. A dream so lucid that well over twenty years later, it remains vividly etched within me. So it must be exceptionally significant.  Come back with me (dream content in blue typeface, comments black).:

I am in my childhood home and standing in front of the large casement window in one corner of the lounge (opposite corner to the doorway). I look up into the inky, dark night sky outside.

A small flotilla of large, wingless aircraft drifts slowly across from left to right at high altitude and I groan, “Oh…not that flying saucer nonsense. I must be dreaming!” 

I’m sceptical about the existence of UFO’s, but now another ‘fleet’ of some sort appears from the right and heads towards the first.

(The dream now changes gear by going up a level from the usual mix of mental material to that of absolutely convincing lucidity…)

The ‘light goes on’!  In my ‘knower’, I realise the first fleet is demonic and the second is masses of angels under the command of Jesus Christ. (I did not believe in them, and regarded Jesus as one of many world teachers. Here, I see no individuals but inwardly know the situation)

I think I’m about to watch an amazing heavenly battle…but…OH NO!  Somehow, I now know Jesus has espied me far down below and is coming down directly towards me!

All I see is a distant bright light very rapidly getting brighter and larger as it drops down to my location, just like an airliner approaching a runway to land at night. 

Instantly, I realise my life has been one of sin that contrasts starkly against Jesus’ own holiness. Right away I realise what’s claimed about the Judgement is true – but mine is about to happen right now!

Beyond any doubt whatsoever I suddenly realise my involvement in the occult was most definitely wrong. Consequently, I deserve the undesirable abode!

Groaning “My number’s up!” I inwardly tremble in fearful knowledge I’m about to die at any moment. An invisible trapdoor I’m standing on will drop me straight into hell.

Utmost mortal terror strikes!  I dive under the drop-leaf table by the wall to the left of the window so I can hide from Jesus. But he knows I’m hiding there and swoops down straight through the wall on the other side of the corner window. He’s standing in the room and right beside the table!

Cowering below the table with my back turned towards him, I glance over my shoulder and see him from the knees down, his body and face out of sight above the table.

Most unexpectedly, somehow I have the courage to reach my hand out backwards to grab at the hem of Jesus’ robe…

As I tug, the event goes into yet another level of revelation regarding my childhood…Then I awake! Thoroughly alert, further sleep eludes me!

The dream reminds me of an evocative small picture that impressed me as a child – the return of Jesus Christ:

1st Sunday in Advent - Image

Later I understand that my terror had been ‘the fear of God’ brought through the Holy Spirit in convicting me of my personal sinfulness (ie. wrongdoing) and, thus, preparing me to receive God’s grace (ie. undeserved favour).

Also, what happened after reaching for Jesus proves he’s closely acquainted with the private details of my thoughts as a little boy.  The dream’s conclusion shows he is going to topple my childish concepts of him and replace them with a sure knowledge of his true identity.

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love” (Psalm 111). Mercifully, he plucked me from the domain of darkness to bring me into his own and receive its blessings. I deserved none of that. Truly, Amazing Grace – how awesome and wonderful..!

As a result of the most remarkable dream I’d ever had, I carefully reconsidered all my New Age and occultic notions. Meditational and mystical exercises had resulted in my having some unusual, ‘psychic’ dreams, but none whatsoever like this one.

The only remotely similar dream was that of an ‘altered’ state of consciousness known as ‘nirvana’, or bliss, where I’d been taken behind its alluring golden light.  However, ecstasy then turned to abject terror at the sight of an approaching hideous, devouring beast of blackness far worse than any nightmare!  (I wasn’t into drugs.)  But in this new dream fear had been overcome by Jesus himself and his wonderful mercy and love.

Incredible timing of fresh confirmation 

Later we will consider how that dream-vision was validated as being real. But for now I want to draw your attention to a remarkable revelatory word given two days before I’m due to give a brief account of my journey into freedom at a breakfast.

Before having that dream I don’t think I’d heard of Jesus being in charge of angels for I was completely unfamiliar with the Bible. In later years I’d learn that the pre-incarnate Christ appeared to Joshua outside Jericho as ‘Commander of the LORD’s army’, (‘Chief of the host of Yahweh’ in original Hebrew at Joshua 5:14-15).

And, in countless sessions of solid Biblical instruction received since then I don’t recall hearing anything in-depth on Jesus’ role as the captain of the angelic hosts. That is, until last Sunday!

The timing of this fresh confirmation was the second of three clear references on three successive days to the content of a brief outline of my testimony, which had already been prepared for delivery on the 4th day!

Revd John Kilpatrick changed his sermon to bring a word the Lord had given him in the early hours of Saturday at 2hrs 22. We were listening live as part of the regular online congregation and the timing impacted my spirit because 22 is not only the date of my birthday but also and particularly because there are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet. (I’ve previously had occasion to note the personal relevance of two in 2.12.2012.)

Far more importantly in this word, the Lord of Hosts draws attention to the angelic hosts and their present and imminent activity.  It reminded me of the above visitation – AND it is notable that John focussed upon the same scripture that’s precisely relevant to my dream, as will be explained in forthcoming instalments of my journey.

For now, however, this mighty revelatory word deserves due, reverent consideration and reflection before proceeding further. Thus, you may wish to see the next post >>

Alternatively, for the next stage of my journey into freedom click on 5 below.

Instalments

  1. No 7 and my journey into freedom
  2. “You shouldn’t be at our school!”
  3. Searching for truth leads me into captivity
  4. The last day of my life came ‘like a thief in the night’
  5. Rescued from Satan by The Lord of Hosts
  6. The real Truth delivers me from captivity
  7. Confirmations of the reality of my visionary encounter (This is 2nd part of a conversation refuting a claim that it was the result of childhood indoctrination)

Bible quotations are by courtesy of BibleGateway.com – thank you for this facility.

Searching for Truth leads me into captivity

Posted on by
9
Me 1962

At Mum’s sister Jenny’s house, Leicester (1962).

The intellectual freedom of higher education in the ‘swinging 60’s’ enabled me to break loose from the values of my parents and their generation. Even so, I recognised their values had enabled them to come through the destruction and deprivation of the Great Depression, World War and post-war Britain austerity with great fortitude.

As outlined in “You Shouldn’t Be At Our School!”, a formative influence upon a child of the post-war ‘baby boom’ was the disharmony and hypocrisy between churches. In my mind it tarred all Christians with the same brush and badly reflected upon the God they believed in.

Nevertheless, when a child I’d once thought it must have been awesome to have been around Jesus and seen everything He said and did.

Also, two verses from Sunday Mass got embedded into my brain and, although buried in the unconscious, they never got overwritten. One was of Jesus telling his disciples they’d do even greater works than He was doing! The other was by someone who’d been with Jesus, and who surmised: If everything He’d done was written down there wouldn’t be enough room in the world to contain the books! [John 14:12 and closing sentence of that Gospel.]

In view of that close, eye-witness account and churches’ misrepresentation of their founder, I became convinced a lot of what he’d taught had been lost, or even suppressed, by the early church.

THE NEXT STAGE OF MY JOURNEY INTO ‘FREEDOM’

The first two stages leading to my freedom had come from the clash of school and church. My reaction directed me elsewhere. The truth must be out there somewhere and so I decided to investigate and search it out for myself.

First port of call was the supernatural and possibility of an afterlife. After all, maternal grandmother occasionally referred to the first. Seances seemed open to trickery and were renowned for variability and inconsistency. So I never attended any. Having a scientific bent I looked for consistent, reliable reports of such contacts. Accounts by those who’d almost died seemed more authentic than mediums’ claims of contact with the dead.

Then came yoga and eastern religions a few years before the famous Beatles took an interest in Transcendental Meditation. I delved into and accepted these esoteric spiritual doctrines, such as reincarnation and karma.

At 21 years of age, after learning about the Western esoteric tradition, I joined a mystic brotherhood supposedly descended from ancient Egypt through a chain of historic personages such as Da Vinci, Bacon, Wren and Newton all of whom, it was claimed, added to and transmitted that ancient wisdom which had been held ‘sacred’ by 12-13th Century ‘heretical’ Cathars of southern France, and later the Knights Templar. (Later freemasonry merely skimmed the surface of that arcane, initiatory knowledge.)

What made it especially attractive from my standpoint were references to the ‘mystical life’ and ‘secret doctrines’ of Jesus (eg, John the Baptist was the prophet Elijah reincarnate!) and who was claimed to have been one of several perfected ‘masters’! This teaching is similar to that of Gnosticism and the Jewish Kabbalah.

My historical interests devoured the rise of the early Church, medieval alchemy and the start of scientific method in the early 17th Century, as well as literature and secret codes then in use in England and German Brunswick-Luneberg and Palatinate of the Rhine.

This opened up research into early Church history including the ‘French connection’ to Glastonbury and its legends. Developments of early science from alchemical literature and secrets buried in codes, plus claims about Cathars of the Langued’oc (persecuted Christians also known as Albigensians) and the Knights Templar in France were highly fascinating.

Consequently, I was well placed and connected to know modern authors’ claims about a supposed romantic connection between Jesus and his disciple, Mary Magdalene, were untrue. Such stories and their dramatic conspiracy claims make fascinating fiction. (My publishing source confided that it was a marketing ploy to increase sales!)

[For more on the last read What Have Paul Keith Davis Video and Mary Magdalene In Common? and my ‘The Magdalene Legacy’ – a Critique’, as well as Ian Paul’s article The Evidence for Jesus outside the New Testament.]

‘FIRST CONTACT’

The mundane event of a dinner party in mid-1980s played a pivotal part in my journey into freedom. But I knew it not. This social event held by young parents, the father being in training as an Anglican curate, included his vicar and a couple from Cheam Baptist Church. We got around to chatting about our philosophies of life but these folk were like ‘aliens’ from my highly ‘enlightened’ viewpoint!

I was surprised the vicar was open-minded and seemed to agree with my New Ager claims that all religions lead to God, just like spokes of a wheel connected to a hub.

BUT the Baptist couple would have absolutely none of that and strongly disputed my views. How closed and ignorant!

I recall my outraged thought, “Baptists are such Biblical bigots – I’ll never touch them with a barge pole!” However, I never expected this was all borrowed!  This vow would come to be used against me…twice!  That is, I was yet to discover the Lord God has a sense of humour!

Soon afterwards, the curate invited me to a public meeting with a guest speaker, John Richards. It was a memorable occasion for three reasons; first, his name is my Christian names in reverse order and, secondly, for having gently confronted me upon noticing a small pin on my jacket’s lapel displaying a cross within a star of David. He asked, “What does your family say about that?” and I retorted “Nothing, what’s it got to do with them?” After all, they were aware of my search for lost Christian-related wisdom. But John was referring to a church ‘family’ – which didn’t apply because I wasn’t a churchgoer!

Therefore, I had nothing further to discuss and later listened warily to his investigations into witchcraft and satanism as secretary to the bishop of Exeter’s study of exorcism, later an advisor to the Archbishop of Canterbury.  It was all very irrelevant to me in view of my disliking the ‘black stuff’ (including freemasonry) – but that was a mistaken notion!

So for many years I gave no further thought to that John Richards’ event…BUT the fact it did play a significant part in my long journey has been confirmed by his name popping up 47 months after publication of this post – and ’47 is my birth year!. At a conference on healing on 9th September 2017 in Guildford Cathedral I attended a session by the bishop’s advisor on deliverance. He began with his personal testimony and how it involved his spiritual director John Richards! (In view of this ‘God-incidence’ these three paragraphs are new.)

REALITY REVEALED

You may think of that esoteric brotherhood as akin to freemasonry, which seemed quite ‘creepy’. There was no ostensible connection and the history, principles and exercises taught by the first made it very different. They taught about a ‘Cosmic’ supreme being, not the God of Abraham, but an ultra-intelligent, superhuman, all-pervasive mind. Thus, it was important to ‘attune’ with its ‘cosmic consciousness’ by exercises for developing the inner self and supernatural senses – even the facility of invisibility.

Naturally endowed with being able to dream vividly in colour, I now found I could control and change content during a dream. That is, to make a conscious decision to shut down one unsatisfactory dream and move into, or even replay, a better one. I was, however,  to fail spectacularly with two, as you’ll read later…

Whilst asleep I once experienced nirvana – the sublime state sought by Buddhists – only to discover its deep danger. I floated in a transcendent, golden light. BUT going deeper this light changed, as though an invisible hand had drawn a curtain aside. Then I saw behind the peaceful and beautiful light a terrifying darkness lay deliberately hidden. It appeared as a gigantic, devouring spider – I was thoroughly repelled and frightened for my life!  Next, I awoke alarmed and grateful, yet unable to fathom its meaning.

My search for Truth had led me unwittingly into captivity and I became entangled within an invisible demonic web. I didn’t know I’d been seriously misled and deceived and was in grave personal peril.

After 21 years of searching for and attaining extensive esoteric knowledge, however, I’d find myself in a diametrically opposite situation – utterly incredible!

My journey into freedom was to enter its next stage, where the allure of a ‘false Gospel’ lured me to the devil’s door >> (next).

[Bible quotations are by courtesy of BibleGateway.com]

[RETURN to overview: “Jesus Freed Me!“]

The Heavenly Visitor – part 2 of ‘Death or Destiny?’

Posted on by
Reply

That night’s second visit was far more challenging than polite Peter’s chat –  this time it was life or death!

I went back in time – not in this blog’s ‘time machine’ but in a most unusual dream. One so lucid that, over twenty years later, it remains vividly etched within me. So it must be exceptionally significant.  Come back with me to the night of 13-14th September 1989:

I find myself in the lounge of my childhood home and in front of the large casement window abutting one corner of the room.  I look up into the inky, dark night sky.

A small flotilla of large, wingless aircraft drifts slowly across from left to right at high altitude and I groan, “Oh…not that flying saucer nonsense. I must be dreaming!”  (Occasionally in dreams I’d be aware of dreaming and could change the scenario.)

I’m sceptical about the existence of UFO’s, but now another ‘fleet’ appears from the right and heads towards the first.

Now, the dream changes gear (rather, goes up a level) from the normal mixture of mental material > to that of absolutely convincing lucidity:

The ‘light goes on’!  In my ‘knower’, I realise the first fleet is demonic and the second is masses of angels under the command of Jesus Christ. (I did not believe in them, and regarded Jesus as one of many world teachers – I didn’t know Jesus appeared as the commander of the Lord’s host, or angels, to Joshua when outside Jericho. Here, I cannot see any individuals but have inner knowledge of the situation.)

I think I’m about to watch an amazing heavenly battle…but…OH NO!  Somehow, I now know Jesus has espied me far down below and is coming down directly towards me!

All I see is a distant bright light very rapidly getting brighter and larger as it drops down to my location, just like an airliner approaching a runway to land at night. 

Instantly, I realise my life has been one of sin that contrasts starkly against Jesus’ own holiness. Right away I realise what’s claimed about the Judgement is true – but mine is about to happen right now!

Beyond any doubt I realise my involvement in the occult was most definitely wrong. Consequently, I deserve the undesirable abode!

“My number’s up!” I groan, inwardly trembling in knowing I’m about to die at any moment and an invisible trapdoor I’m standing on will drop me straight into hell.

Uttermost mortal terror strikes and I dive right under the drop-leaf table in the other  corner of the room to hide from Jesus. But he knows where I’m hiding and swoops down straight through the wall at the side of the window to stand in my room and right beside the table!

Cowering under the table with my back turned towards him, I glance over my shoulder and see him from the waist down, his face out of sight above the table.

Most unexpectedly, somehow I have the courage to reach my hand out backwards to grab at the hem of Jesus’ robe…

>> As I tug, the event goes into yet another level of revelation regarding my childhood…Then I awake! Thoroughly alert, further sleep eludes me!

The event reminds me of an evocative small picture that impressed me as a child – the return of Jesus Christ:

2ndAdventDiagm

Later I understand that my terror had been ‘the fear of God’ brought through his Holy Spirit in convicting me of my personal sinfulness (ie. wrongdoing) and, thus, preparing me to receive God’s grace (ie. undeserved favour).

Also,  what happened when I touched Jesus proves he’s intimately acquainted with the private details of my thoughts as a little boy.  The last moments of the dream show he will topple my childish concepts of him and thus hint at his replacing them with a sure knowledge of his true identity.

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love” (Psalm 111). Mercifully, he plucked me from the domain of darkness to bring me into his own and receive its blessings. I deserved none of that. Truly, Amazing Grace – how awesome and wonderful..!

As a result of the most remarkable dream I’d ever had, I carefully reconsidered all my New Age notions. Meditational and mystical exercises had resulted in my having some unusual, ‘psychic’ dreams, but none whatsoever like this one.

The only remotely similar dream was that of an ‘altered’ state of consciousness known as ‘nirvana’, or bliss, where I’d been taken behind its alluring golden light.  However, ecstasy then turned to abject terror at the sight of an approaching hideous, devouring beast of blackness far worse than any nightmare!  (I didn’t take drugs.)  In this dream, however, fear had been overcome by Jesus himself and his wonderful mercy and love – and pervasive peace.

Confirmation that the event was real would come from a totally unexpected source…

An Earthly Visitor – part 1 of ‘Death or Destiny?’

Posted on by
3

What role did the first visitor outlined in the Preface play regarding my wrong choices? His was merely a gentle confrontation, as follows:

Who was he?

Sometime in July/August 1989, young Peter knocked on the door with an invitation to go and hear the world-renowned evangelist Billy Graham at Earls Court, London. We could be taken in just one coach trip from our house. The fare from west of Reading? Nada, entirely free!

I turned down the offer but my almost-teenage son piped up that he’d like to go because a classmate had told him about it. So I said I’d take him.

Were it my choice alone, however, I definitely would not have accepted. Experience had made me extremely wary of churchgoers. But never did I suspect my personal life hung on that moment.

Why the problem?

I was brought up in the Catholic Church yet attended non-secular state schools with their Anglican ethos. Back in the 1950s this was a sensitive issue. In those days a lot more people attended church of one sort or another than nowadays. Religious beliefs are a relatively minor concern today even though attendance at faith schools is highly prized for educational purposes.

Note well, I did not receive the expected, proper Catholic education. What was gained was merely through church attendance – which doesn’t do anything when in a dead, foreign language!

In those days, Sunday Mass involved a lot of liturgical Latin. So when English was spoken, this boy could comprehend a little from frequent snippets from the Gospels. I recall once pondering how awesome it would have been to witness everything Jesus said and did.

Fifty years ago the hypocritical conflict between denominations was the reason I turned to ‘New Age’ ideals. In view of what Christian priests say and do, how could what they  preach be true? For example, Jesus commanded his disciples to “love one another” but, in my experience, churches apparently did not!

Also, they weren’t doing similar miraculous works to Jesus, as he said they would. So, churches had failed on both counts to live up to Jesus’ commands. Although I was only a boy it was patently obvious that they missed the mark. Therefore, I strongly suspected they’d probably also lost a lot of what Jesus had taught.

So in my late teens, I went looking for truth elsewhere and practised yoga, meditation and Eastern religions long before that became popular through the famous Beatles and their maharishi. In seeking deeper instruction and abilities I joined an ancient, mystical brotherhood. Thus, I gained direct knowledge of ‘higher’ esoteric teachings, including a belief in reincarnation and karma as well as experiencing invisibility and nirvana, the ecstatic state sought by Buddhists.

All this was well before such New Age concepts became as popular and widespread as they are today. Twenty-odd years later I’d find myself attending an evangelical meeting!  Utterly unbelievable!

What happened?

In those days I regarded most clergy as outmoded. Their preaching couldn’t compare with what I’d discovered in the New Age. So, you could imagine my astonishment upon finding myself agreeing with everything Billy Graham preached!  I was flummoxed!

Afterwards, as a follow-up, those who’d been on the trip were invited to an informal meeting at a local church. They explained we could have introductory teaching and discussion at home and I agreed to be on-hand for my son, but I wasn’t personally interested. A youth worker, Peter, was assigned to help him but, in practice, he ended up discussing the material with me.

So, what went wrong?

The evening of Wednesday 13th September 1989, is Peter’s third visit to talk about Christianity. I have not yet divulged my firm opinions to him, but this time he goes too far!

This session is entitled, ‘Yoga, Eastern Religions and The Occult’ – all of which I’d been involved in since before Peter had been born!

Peter shows a diagram of two cliff-like objects facing one another. One represents heaven and the other, earth, with a large deep gap separating them from one another. Over this Peter then places an overlay depicting a large + sign over the gap. The horizontal ends of the + touch each object, thereby bridging heaven and earth. He explains that the cross of Christ is the bridge between both realms.

He then says the only way to God is through Jesus Christ. This statement implies my ideas are incorrect. Without giving the game away I gently question him on this. But he insists there are not many paths leading to the same supreme God.

What’s to be done with a young man half my age who unwittingly points out the error of my ways?

I’m thinking, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. How can he, who’s not done anything I know far more about…just how can he tell me it’s wrong?  He’s wasting my time!” Peter’s ideas are not only mistaken but also intolerant. Before the end of the evening I’ve had enough!

So I bring our discussion to an early close, politely bid him farewell and excuse myself from any future meeting. Peter is most gracious about it – as ever, he smiles politely and goes on his way.

Little did I know that I may not make it through the night!    

   [continued in Part 2]