NOTE: This was previously posted as one of my first blogs. Originally written 22 years ago as ‘More Than A Dream’, it’s now republished with slight changes for elaborating upon my life as a committed non-Christian in my journey Into freedom.
Two decades of in-depth occult study and self-development turned my attitude toward Christianity into one of disdain, as told here. By the 1980’s I’d become intellectually and spiritually very arrogant, even contemptuous of church, clergy and believers. They were all so behind the times – even archaic! I thought their preaching could not compare with the more profound philosophy found within New Age movements.
A door is opened!
Sometime in July/August 1989, a young man named Peter knocked at the front door with an invitation to hear the world-renowned evangelist Billy Graham at Earls Court in London. We could be taken in a coach trip from outside our house west of Reading. How much? Nada, entirely free!
Naturally, I rejected the offer outright but my almost-teenage son piped up he’d like to go because a classmate had told him about it. So I said I’d take him.
As can be gathered from the story of my journey thus far into spiritual captivity, personal experiences had made me extremely wary of churchgoers. Never did I suspect my own well-being hung on that moment.
Can you imagine my bewilderment, therefore, upon sitting ‘up in the gods’ at Earls Court and finding myself agreeing with what Billy Graham said as he spoke from the rostrum? I was flummoxed! Utterly bewildered! Who’s thinking that? Can that be me? Never!… Really?
Afterwards, as a follow-up, those who’d been on the trip were invited to an informal meeting at a local ‘free’ church. The leader explained that similar chats could be held at our own homes, should we so wish. I agreed to be on-hand for my son, but I was NOT personally interested. A youth worker, Peter, was assigned to help him but, in practice, he ended up discussing the material with me.
The evening of Wednesday 13th September 1989, is Peter’s third visit to our house to discuss Billy Graham’s follow-up material entitled Life. I have not yet divulged my firmly held and entrenched opinions, but this time he goes too far!
What went wrong?
This session is entitled, ‘Yoga, Eastern Religions and The Occult’ – all of which I’d been involved in since before Peter had been born!
Peter shows a diagram of two cliff-like objects facing one another. One represents heaven and the other, earth, with a large deep gap separating them from one another. Over this Peter then places an overlay depicting a large plus sign over the gap. The ends of the horizontal arms touch each object, thereby bridging heaven and earth. He explains that the cross of Christ is the bridge between both realms.
He then says the only way to God is through Jesus Christ. This statement implies my ideas are incorrect. Without giving the game away I gently question him on this. But he insists not many paths lead to the same, supreme God – there’s only one way to one almighty God and it’s through his Son Jesus Christ.
What’s to be done with a young man half my age who unwittingly points out the error of my ways?
I’m thinking, “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. How can he, who’s not done anything I know far more about…just how can he tell me it’s wrong? He’s wasting my time!” Peter’s ideas are not only mistaken but also intolerant. Before the end of the evening I’ve had enough!
So I bring our discussion to an early close, politely bid him farewell and excuse myself from any future meeting. Peter is most gracious about it – as ever, he smiles politely and goes on his way.
Little did I know that I may not make it through the night!
That night’s second visitor was far more challenging – this time it is life or death!
In a most unusual dream that night I go back in time. A dream so lucid that well over twenty years later, it remains vividly etched within me. So it must be exceptionally significant. Come back with me (dream content in blue typeface, comments black).:
I am in my childhood home and standing in front of the large casement window in one corner of the lounge (opposite corner to the doorway). I look up into the inky, dark night sky outside.
A small flotilla of large, wingless aircraft drifts slowly across from left to right at high altitude and I groan, “Oh…not that flying saucer nonsense. I must be dreaming!”
I’m sceptical about the existence of UFO’s, but now another ‘fleet’ of some sort appears from the right and heads towards the first.
(The dream now changes gear by going up a level from the usual mix of mental material to that of absolutely convincing lucidity…)
The ‘light goes on’! In my ‘knower’, I realise the first fleet is demonic and the second is masses of angels under the command of Jesus Christ. (I did not believe in them, and regarded Jesus as one of many world teachers. Here, I see no individuals but inwardly know the situation)
I think I’m about to watch an amazing heavenly battle…but…OH NO! Somehow, I now know Jesus has espied me far down below and is coming down directly towards me!
All I see is a distant bright light very rapidly getting brighter and larger as it drops down to my location, just like an airliner approaching a runway to land at night.
Instantly, I realise my life has been one of sin that contrasts starkly against Jesus’ own holiness. Right away I realise what’s claimed about the Judgement is true – but mine is about to happen right now!
Beyond any doubt whatsoever I suddenly realise my involvement in the occult was most definitely wrong. Consequently, I deserve the undesirable abode!
Groaning “My number’s up!” I inwardly tremble in fearful knowledge I’m about to die at any moment. An invisible trapdoor I’m standing on will drop me straight into hell.
Utmost mortal terror strikes! I dive under the drop-leaf table by the wall to the left of the window so I can hide from Jesus. But he knows I’m hiding there and swoops down straight through the wall on the other side of the corner window. He’s standing in the room and right beside the table!
Cowering below the table with my back turned towards him, I glance over my shoulder and see him from the knees down, his body and face out of sight above the table.
Most unexpectedly, somehow I have the courage to reach my hand out backwards to grab at the hem of Jesus’ robe…
As I tug, the event goes into yet another level of revelation regarding my childhood…Then I awake! Thoroughly alert, further sleep eludes me!
The dream reminds me of an evocative small picture that impressed me as a child – the return of Jesus Christ:
Later I understand that my terror had been ‘the fear of God’ brought through the Holy Spirit in convicting me of my personal sinfulness (ie. wrongdoing) and, thus, preparing me to receive God’s grace (ie. undeserved favour).
Also, what happened after reaching for Jesus proves he’s closely acquainted with the private details of my thoughts as a little boy. The dream’s conclusion shows he is going to topple my childish concepts of him and replace them with a sure knowledge of his true identity.
“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love” (Psalm 111). Mercifully, he plucked me from the domain of darkness to bring me into his own and receive its blessings. I deserved none of that. Truly, Amazing Grace – how awesome and wonderful..!
As a result of the most remarkable dream I’d ever had, I carefully reconsidered all my New Age and occultic notions. Meditational and mystical exercises had resulted in my having some unusual, ‘psychic’ dreams, but none whatsoever like this one.
The only remotely similar dream was that of an ‘altered’ state of consciousness known as ‘nirvana’, or bliss, where I’d been taken behind its alluring golden light. However, ecstasy then turned to abject terror at the sight of an approaching hideous, devouring beast of blackness far worse than any nightmare! (I wasn’t into drugs.) But in this new dream fear had been overcome by Jesus himself and his wonderful mercy and love.
Incredible timing of fresh confirmation
Later we will consider how that dream-vision was validated as being real. But for now I want to draw your attention to a remarkable revelatory word given two days before I’m due to give a brief account of my journey into freedom at a breakfast.
Before having that dream I don’t think I’d heard of Jesus being in charge of angels for I was completely unfamiliar with the Bible. In later years I’d learn that the pre-incarnate Christ appeared to Joshua outside Jericho as ‘Commander of the LORD’s army’, (‘Chief of the host of Yahweh’ in original Hebrew at Joshua 5:14-15).
And, in countless sessions of solid Biblical instruction received since then I don’t recall hearing anything in-depth on Jesus’ role as the captain of the angelic hosts. That is, until last Sunday!
The timing of this fresh confirmation was the second of three clear references on three successive days to the content of a brief outline of my testimony, which had already been prepared for delivery on the 4th day!
Revd John Kilpatrick changed his sermon to bring a word the Lord had given him in the early hours of Saturday at 2hrs 22. We were listening live as part of the regular online congregation and the timing impacted my spirit because 22 is not only the date of my birthday but also and particularly because there are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet. (I’ve previously had occasion to note the personal relevance of two in 2.12.2012.)
Far more importantly in this word, the Lord of Hosts draws attention to the angelic hosts and their present and imminent activity. It reminded me of the above visitation – AND it is notable that John focussed upon the same scripture that’s precisely relevant to my dream, as will be explained in forthcoming instalments of my journey.
For now, however, this mighty revelatory word deserves due, reverent consideration and reflection before proceeding further. Thus, you may wish to see the next post >>
Alternatively, for the next stage of my journey into freedom click on 5 below.
- No 7 and my journey into freedom
- “You shouldn’t be at our school!”
- Searching for truth leads me into captivity
- The last day of my life came ‘like a thief in the night’
- Rescued from Satan by The Lord of Hosts
- The real Truth delivers me from captivity
- Confirmations of the reality of my visionary encounter (This is 2nd part of a conversation refuting a claim that it was the result of childhood indoctrination)
Bible quotations are by courtesy of BibleGateway.com – thank you for this facility.